An etching I made some years ago... "fearless."

First, stand where you are.

This is easier said than done. Somatically, there are pieces of us scattered in the past. We sit in quiet meditation, and a steady refrain begins to play softly under our awareness. Something about our mother or about our origins. Residual pain from an old injury flares up, and tugs our knee back into the fifth grade. If we breathed just a little deeper, we'd notice that fragment of the heart we broke twenty years ago, that hasn't quite been mended.

It can be helpful to catalogue every hurt, but it isn't necessary, or even realistic. Cataloging just a few sets the patterns in motion for the unwinding.

The congestion in any system needs to be released in that system. The key to resolving what is incomplete is to relive or recreate the original seed pattern, and experience it fully. L. Ron Hubbard came up with this concept and applied it to his Scientology followers, and later Werner Erhard borrowed it for his Est work. They discovered that if you create a duplicate experience, that is similar enough in intensity to the original, the original will find resolution, as you move through the duplicate.

This can happen on the mental, emotional, or physical sphere. It is easiest on the physical. Lead the body back through a similar event, re-engaging the triggers, and a complete regression is often possible. Likewise, find yourself in a similar pattern, and you may be able to access the emotion around it, and process that way. This can be challenging for those of us who have learned to shut down our emotions. Lastly, ponder and find the logical path back through the event, by questioning every cognitive distortion, and every story you've built up around the event. this is the least effective, in my experience, and ironically, where 99% of people direct most of their effort. The somatic aspect is the least relied upon, and the most effective. There are few facilitators familiar enough with the somatic practices to orchestrate these kinds of experiences; the demand far exceeds the supply. This is partially due to the taboo placed upon somatic work by the earliest psychotherapists, who were not evolved enough around gender or their libidinal desires to trust themselves with touch.

Once you have cleared a layer of the trauma, the unresolved event, the incomplete experience... the other layers begin to unravel. During this process, you will eventually glimpse your true self; the elusive essence that zen buddhists and transformational gurus rhapsodize about. As soon as you do, it comes with a sense of presence that blows away mere concepts of presence.

Then, suddenly, there you are. Stories about where you wish you were fall away; regrets about where you are not are incinerated in this cauldron of the present moment.

First, stand where you are.
Take a step forward. Or a leap.

You cannot actually act at all, until you've cleared some of the residual tethers to the past. Before that occurs, your every action is a mechanical reaction to unresolved past events. The very concept of will is an illusion. You have been out of touch with being, so you cannot truly do. Gurdjieff was a master at expressing this. Most people who encounter this thought rebel wildly at first. It is not something that is easy to swallow.

Continue to regather the pieces of yourself in the present moment, so that you can love, live, and create with your whole body.

The evolution into a human being has been set in motion. You are no longer a machine.

In Truth,

Steven Budden

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